Pregnancy Log
by Signed-Edward Elric
Summary: Which is more like Alphonse's eavesdropping log. Or his diary. Either way, he gets to write down everything he wants to about Ed and Winry. Other stuff too. But that's what happens when you ask your younger brother to write a book about your pregnant wife
1. Not a Diary

Ok! This is kind of like a companion fic to The Best Way to Spend a Saturday. Also from Al's pov. He's in the flesh, cause I like him that way!

_Italics - Speaking_

Regular font - writing in the "Log"

Proceed with reading. Enjoy.

* * *

**14 September - 17:26 hours**

Ed handed me this empty journal today. He said that he needed me to do him a favor. And this is it. He wants me to write a pregnancy log.

* * *

_Why Brother? I'm not pregnant._

_Not you, Al. WINRY!_

_Oh._

_

* * *

_It's for Winry. So, Ed says I have to write it because he has bad handwriting. I guess he's finally listening to something General Mustang tells him. So, anyway, I'm supposed to, uh, record Winry doing…I don't really know, now that I think about it. Maybe I write down everything she does. Or, what she eats. Or both. I don't know. I should ask.

* * *

_What am I writing about, Brother?_

_How Winry acts, and what she looks like, and what happens and stuff._

_Stuff, huh?_

_Winry could answer that question better than me!_

_Sure._

_

* * *

_Ed doesn't know what I'm supposed to write either. He says it was Winry's idea. So, I guess I'll just pay attention, and then if there's anything interesting happening, I can write it down. I guess I'll need to keep this with me at all times. I wonder why Winry isn't writing this. Oh well. I guess it can't be that hard. But I'll write more later. Right now, I'm hungry. I wonder if there's any pie leftover from dinner yesterday.

* * *

**14 September - 17:38 hours**

Ed ate the rest of the pie. I'm still hungry.

* * *

_Hey Al, you writing in the log already? What did you put?_

_N-nothing, Brother! You can't see._

…

_Not until it's finished, I mean!_

_Uh…_

_It'll be a surprise! Yeah!_

_If you say so Al…_

_

* * *

_I gotta go. I'll write more tomorrow. Or maybe later this week. Ed will be suspicious. He'll probably think I'm writing a diary. WHICH I'M NOT!! It's just…I'll have to rewrite this entry sometime. I've gotta hide this now, though. Underneath the milk carton in the refrigerator. Ed will never look there!

* * *

Ok, tell me what you think. Review! Please review! I'll be your best friend if you do.


	2. I'm Sure Ed's Grown a Bit

Alright, chapter two! And I got reviews!! So, just in case you didn't know, Ed and Winry are married, thank you. Methinks I'll write one or two more chapters before I write -da dum!- the first interlude. Which I will expound more on later. But for now, you want to read chapter 2 (hopefully). So, let me put a disclaimer in this chapter, and then, never again.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist, I never have, I never will. If I did, don't you think I would've kept the series going? Then, I could change a lot of things. Like, Nina would've lived. Poor Nina...**

Now, on with the story. (Feel free to review. No flames, but criticism is welcomed.)

* * *

**17 September – 8:47 hours**

I'm not supposed to write down what Winry eats. I wish I'd known that earlier. Then I wouldn't have gotten wrenched. I know what Ed feels like now. But really, it wasn't my fault. I didn't know I was staring, I was only _looking_. She was offended.

* * *

_Hey, Al?_

_Y-yes, Winry?_

_You weren't staring because you think I'm eating too much, were you?_

_Why would I think that?_

…_I'm having a baby Al._

_Yeah, but it hasn't even been a month yet…_

_Of course, you're right! I can't be fat already!_

_Ok…_

_Hey, then what were you staring at me for? HUH?_

_Well, I was trying to tell you, 'cause Ed said-_

_Fine Al! If you won't tell me, I'll just stop asking!_

_But…sigh_

_

* * *

_I think Winry's going crazy. She can't be having hormone issues already. She's just crazy… I hope she doesn't read this. She says she's going for a walk. Wait, then I'll be all alone in the kitchen. That's no fun. I'll go talk to Ed!

Never mind, Ed's on the phone. And he's yelling. So, he's either talking to the General or Russell(1). It's the General. Ed just yelled, "Mustang, you…" and then some words I'm not writing down. Ed should really watch what he says, especially since he'll be having a child soon. Otherwise, he'll be a bad influence.

Apparently, General Mustang thinks so too.

* * *

_Don't you lecture me Mustang; I'll say what I want…It's not like you never said that either! … WHY DON'T YOU?!_

_Brother, you're being very loud._

_Shut up Al. You too Mustang! I'll tell Al to shut up whenever I want!_

_

* * *

_It's really frustrating, not knowing what they're talking about. But…I bet they're talking about the baby. And if they are, they have to be talking about Winry too. And I have to write about the baby _and_ Winry in this log here, so I should probably know what they're saying. Logically speaking. I'll go get the phone in the kitchen!

* * *

…_don't know anything about Winry and me!_

_Calm down Edward. I'm not trying to judge anyone. This isn't just about your wife Ed, I'm just concerned. You're both so young, and it seems as though you've rushed into things, as always._

_You just had to throw in a sarcastic remark, didn't you? What do you expect Winry to do? Get rid of it?_

_No-_

_Then why are you criticizing us? Or do you just get a kick out of it?_

_If you'd let me finish, all I wanted to say was you need to let people help you out. _

_I DO NOT NEED T-ah what?_

_See, you don't listen. You're so stubborn, Fullmetal. All I was saying was, if you ever need help, you know a lot of people at Central, ready and willing. And of course, don't count out Alphonse. I'm sure you don't need me to tell you how helpful he is. _

…

…

…_Thanks, Colonel.  
_

_General, Edward. _

_Nah, you'll always be Colonel!_

_And you'll always be 5 feet, won't you bean sprout? Oh, wait, I have to go. Hawkeye just came back in. We'll talk more about your height later Fullmetal! beep_

_

* * *

_**8:02 hours**

Colo-I mean, General Mustang was just offering Ed help. Which was nice. Very nice. Ed wasn't too pleased with the short comment at the end of the conversation though. He's yelling at the phone now. Not into the phone, at the phone. Which is creepy. Considering the fact that the General hung up three minutes ago. Oh, Winry just walked in.

* * *

…_NOT FREAKING SMALL! HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF I CALLED YOU SMALL, HUH?_

_Ed…_

_Oh, W-winry! I was just, ah…ahahahaha!_

…

…

_I'm going for another walk. _

_

* * *

_Winry left again. I can't imagine why…

* * *

So, we had a bit of Parental!RoyEd there, huh? It wasn't much, but it was there. I'm kinda upset. The lines seem too close together...

(1) - Russell Tringham - who doesn't know who he is?? I'll tell you if you don't.


	3. Edward Bribes Better Than Yoki Does

Don't forget 3 Oct 10. Today is an important day, yes? You know what I mean (at least I think you do). So I figured I'd update today!

Methinks some of you want to know how old the characters are, but I'm saving that for chapter five, so you'll have to wait.

There's lots and lots of talking in this chapter. And, Ed, Al, and Winry are all in this discussion, so I did a bit of reformating. So, Al's talking when there's a dash at the beginning of the line. Every un-dashed line alternates between Winry and Ed. Winry starts off the conversation.

If that confused you, I'm sorry. I'm not very good at conveying ideas, according to my English teachers.

regular text- writing in the 'log'

_italics_ - speaking

On with the story!

* * *

**24 September – 3:19 hours**

I can't sleep. Ed and Winry are thumping. What are they doing? I would ask them to keep it down, but I've waited so long! They'll think I've been trying to listen. Really, it's kind of hard to ignore._ What are they doing?_ It's too late for…_that_, but I can't think of what else they could be doing that involves _thumping_. Now I feel like I'm invading their privacy. I just want some sleep.

Maybe…I should move out. Really, after the baby is born, Ed and Winry will really be able to use the extra space. Hmmm, then I can actually sleep through the night, and I'll only have to run errands for myself, and I won't have to sit and listen to Ed and Winry argue over pointless things for hours, and no thumping!! And it's not like I can't visit or call. Yep, I think that would be best. I'll talk with Ed and Winry in the…uh, morning. (But technically, it's already A.M. now, so…)

Now, I'm going to attempt to sleep.

* * *

_You want to leave? Why, Al?_

_-Well, because-_

_Do I yell too much?_

_-You _do_ yell a lot, but…_

_Do I send you on errands too often?_

_-Not really…_

_Are we ignoring you?_

_-Well _right now_ you are, but-_

_Do we make you work too often?_

_-Why are you panicking so much?_

_Do you need more space?_

_-Seriously, calm down, you two will have a heart attack or something!_

_Are you mad at Ed?_

_-No._

_Yeah, are you mad at…WAIT!! Why does he have to be mad at me??_

_-I'M NOT!_

_Never mind, Ed! Why do you want to leave Al?_

_-BECAUSE-_

_Do you want a cat, Al?_

_-NO, IT'S BECAU – huh? _

_Yeah, Al, is that it?_

_-…_

_We'll get as many as you want, right Winry?_

_Of course! _

_-Uh, why are you two so pressed for me to stay anyway?_

_Why do you want to leave me alone with Winry?_

_HEY!_

_Only joking Winry, anyways, you can't just leave with a baby coming!_

_-Why not? It's your kid…_

_But Al! We'll need help! And anyway, if you leave, who'll write the log…_

…_or spar with me in the yard…_

…_or lecture Ed about his many character flaws…_

…_or keep Winry from killing me in my sleep…_

…_or while you're awake, Edward._

_I w-was j-joking, Winry!_

_It wasn't very funny…_

_AL! Please stay you'll stay!_

_-But you don't really need me here, especially since you could use any extra space for the baby._

_But then…_

_Who'll cook and clean and stuff?! You're like having a maid without having to pay!_

_-…I'm glad you two enjoy my company._

_WE DO!! But you do do a lot of things for us, and we're really grateful._

_And when the baby comes, there'll be twice as many things to do. And we won't have any free time._

_-So, basically, you'll need me to be the babysitter…?_

_Yeah!_

_And it'll get lonely, just the two of us. _

_Oh, so lonely…_

_But not if you stay!_

_So will you please?_

_-You'll need me to baby sit if you want to go out, right?_

_Yeah…_

_-What if I want to go out?_

_When do _you_ want to go out?_

_-I said 'if'._

_Then we'll arrange something, just please stay!_

_-…about that cat…_

* * *

**24 September – 9:48 hours**

Edward and Winry have convinced me to stay. They're very persuasive. They don't listen well though. But that's ok; I got a kitten twenty minutes ago. I named him Maxwell. He's so fluffy!

Anyway, Ed and Winry say they'll need me to baby sit, and keep them company, so they won't be 'oh so lonely'. In that case, they'd better only have one kid.

* * *

**25 September – 2:33 hours **

They're thumping again.

* * *

Alright!! Leave me a review. I live off of those. Like, I obsessively check my email to see if I have any new fanfic reviews. The high point of my day! Criticism is welcomed, flames really aren't, and PLEASE tell me if I have a typo. I'm really OCD that way, and I'll have to come back and fix it. So tell me if you see anything...

Why are Winry and Ed thumping?? Who knows...

And about the chapter title, you all know Lt. Yoki, out at the Youswell coal mines, who tried to bribe Ed, right? I hope so. Otherwise the title isn't clever.


	4. I would too be the boyfriend!

Sorry I took so long to update. My internet was down, and then I was grounded. I still am actually. This is an illegal update. So I'd better get reviews for this!

So, everyone knows who Marta is, right? Marta, or Martel (personally, I like Marta better; Martel doesn't sound like a name), the snake chimera. Yep, well, I'm an AlxMarta fan. You'll see that in this chapter.

No flames, but reviews are my life.

* * *

**1 October – 14:58 hours**

I don't have much to write about Winry today. She's really tired. And she's been asleep. All day. Yep.

Oh, I did talk to Marta today though. Like I do every Tuesday. She's out East right now. I worry about her though, since technically, she isn't supposed to exist. But she says she's fine. I went to visit her two months ago when she was in Central, but at first I didn't recognize her because she'd dyed her hair black. She said it was a disguise. Hmph. Personally, I think she looks prettier as a blonde. Of course, I'm not saying that she isn't pretty now, but…Ed's reading over my shoulder.

* * *

_Al, why are you writing about your girlfriend in there?_

_Sorry Brother, it's just Winry's not – WHAT GIRLFRIEND?_

_What, did you and Marta break up?_

_We aren't…I don't…I-ah!!_

_Really Al, she's been your girlfriend since you were like, 14. You can't ruin such a good relationship for trivial reasons… _

_Fourteen?!_

_Yeah, out in Ishbal, when you two were, roommates. You know, 'sharing' your armor…_

_What are you implying?_

_Nothing. Really, isn't she your girlfriend?_

_N-no!_

_Seems like it to me. You like her._

_NO!!_

_You're acting really defensive, Al._

_No I'm not!_

_Ask her out._

_I couldn't do that! She's older…_

_SO?!_

_B-but…_

_Hmmm. Too chicken huh? Well, you definitely aren't her _boyfriend_._

_No, I'm n-what's with the emphasis on 'boyfriend'?_

_Well, I'm just saying I know who wears the pants in your relationship._

_I wear pants!!  
_

_Alphonse, you're much too passive to be anyone's_ boyfriend_._

_So you're saying I'm the girlfriend?!_

_Not in so many words…_

_I am not the girlfriend! I'm the boyfriend!_

_Oh, so you admit you're her boyfriend?_

_Yes I- wait, what?_

_Ha, I knew it! I can't wait to tell Winry!_

_No, wait! Brother…ugh._

* * *

According to Ed, Marta's my girlfriend. Or I'm hers. But I'm not a girl! I should know. Brother is so mean. He's gonna tell Winry, and she'll probably think it's funny. Hey, wait, why is Ed on the phone? Winry's upstairs…

_Hello, Marta?_

Ahhh! Brother's calling Marta! No, no, no!

_Yeah, this is Edward…yeah, sorry we haven't talked in a while, but Al and I were talking, and I have to tell you…Oh, I know, but he's too embarrassed right now…Yeah, it's about you…Well I'm glad you know. Alphonse doesn't seem to want to admit it…Yeah…yeah…oh, he won't want to. I kinda made fun of him, but he'll agree to it…Ok, sure! I guess I'll see you soon. Bye!_

What did he say to her? I have a bad feeling about this.

_Brother, what did you say?_

_Nothing Alphonse. But your girlfriend is coming to visit soon, and you can take her to dinner!_

…

_Alphonse…_

_I-I can?_

_Sure! She knew, you know._

_Knew…?_

_That you liked her. It's pretty obvious._

_A-ah…_

_Well, have fun dreaming about your date, Al!_

_O-ok…_

* * *

Uh, I think Brother asked Marta out for me. Which is weird. But she said yes! (I think.) I'm really happy. Brother says my face is red. I'll have to fix that. But I have to go now. Maxwell wants to play. Kittens are so cute! Marta would make a cute cat…

* * *

**1 October – 15:28 hours**

I am _not_ the girlfriend.

* * *

Ok, tell me what you think. Tell me if you see typos.**_ Please, tell me about the typos._**


	5. Interlude: What's the reason?

Sorry I'm taking longer and longer to update, but I was super afraid to post this chapter, 'cause it's really different from the others, most prominently because it isn't funny. And it's not anything written in the log, it's Ed's pov, which I've never written before. So, no flames please. I could really use some constructive criticism here.

Ok, this is one of my interlude chapters! For this one, you'll have to go back to chapter two. This chapter picks up where that chapter left off. I guess, this chapter gives you some insight. After all Alphonse can't hear and see everything.

On with the story!! Please review!

* * *

Edward walked out of the house with a sigh, running his fingers through his golden locks, ignoring the laughs emitting from the kitchen. Where had Winry gone? He had to find her, and explain why he had been yelling at a telephone. Or else she would think he was crazy.

_Which he wasn't. _

He was just mad. Stupid Colonel-_General_-with his stupid short jokes, and his stupid smug voice, and how many stupid times could he think the word 'stupid' in one stupid sentence?

But really, Mustang pissed him off so badly sometimes, prying into Ed's personal business. He hadn't been looking forward to a lecture; Roy wasn't his father-_despite how much he acted like one_-and he didn't have to reprimand him at every turn.

It was a clear day, not a cloud in the sky, and the grass was as green as it could be. Days like this reminded Ed of why he had wanted to move back to Risembool, even though it was a hassle to get back to Central. Besides, Mustang was in Central, and right now, he was glad that he was this far away from the man. He would enjoy being farther. That Mustang!

Who cared how old he was? Age didn't matter, not if they truly loved each other. But Mustang wouldn't understand that, always in Central, procrastinating or something, obsessed with "making it to the top". Why was he so high-maintenance? He needed to remove the stick from up his a-Aha!

He had spotted Winry, near the riverbank. Funny, that was Al's normal place. Edward sighed again and plopped down next to Winry, looking down.

"Hey Winry, I wanted to talk to you about...hey!" Looking up to make eye contact, he had realized that Winry was no longer there.

"Winry…hey, Win? Where'd you go?" He looked around, dismayed, and a bit uneasy. Since when had she been able to disappear in five seconds?

Hearing a shuffling sound to his left, he turned and spotted Winry, attempting to hide behind a tree.

"ED! Hi there…" She said tentatively, as if he was a mental patient at a hospital or something.

So, she did think he was crazy. Edward sighed again.

"Hey, yeah, about the phone…" He started slowly.

"Did the phone insult you Ed? Do you want to get a new one? Because we can!" She stated in a rush.

"No, no, no, wait! Mustang had been on the line before! I was yelling at _him_ for calling me short not the phone! I swear!"

Winry hesitated for a moment, then conceded to sit next to him at the riverbank once more.

Geez, that Mustang! Making his wife think he was crazy. Getting him all screamish-_was that even a word? Probably not-_ and mad_. _Edward would definitely have to get him back later.

"So, what were you and the General talking about that lead to the short joke, hmmm?" Winry enquired, her sky blue eyes seeing straight through his.

Feeling that Winry was reading his mind, he turned his face away from her and said, "Nothing, don't worry about it."

"I don't think it's nothing." Winry stated, leaning in closer to Ed. "Let me help you. I hate it when you shut me out."

"Really, it's nothing." Edward restated, painfully aware of how close Winry was to him.

"You are such a horrible liar." Winry teased. Ever so lightly, she started to slide her fingers across the exposed skin of his neck.

He knew what she was doing, and it wouldn't work. Wouldn't…wouldn't…would not…

She had pulled off his black jacket and was now running her fingers up and down his spine. He shuddered.

"W-Winry…" He started. He didn't like this. They were out in the open and she was…they were…she needed to…

Ahh, that felt so good!

"Winry, s-stop." He tried again. "We're out in the open."

"So? I'm only trying to help, but if you won't open up, I'll just have to help to the best of my abilities." She said slowly, now pressing her lips against the area between his shoulder blades.

"It's noth-nngh." He attempted to speak, but those lips! She knew that he was sensitive to that spot. It was unfair.

"Win-Winry…" He tried one last time. His face was hot.

"Ready to tell me what's wrong, Edward?" She asked, whispering into his ear. He'd had it.

"Ok, ok! I give. I don't wanna do this out in the open. People will see."

"So?"

"Whadd'ya mean, 'so'? This isn't a free show!"

Winry chuckled. "You look like a tomato."

Edward looked pointedly away and stated, rather quickly, "Hmph .Ok, you wanted to know what's up? Mustang was just bothering me about us, and you, and the baby, and being five feet, but I'm not mad anymore, see?"

"Ed, that was a bad explanation." Winry sighed. "Tell me what happened. What has you so upset?"

Edward sighed for what felt like the millionth time that day. "He just said that we were pretty young to be having a kid, that's all. Really, I don't know why I'm so upset about it. He offered us help when we need it. I just…I don't know."

It was silent for a while, as neither of the pair knew what to say. Winry had shifted her position, and was now lying on her back. Edward took full advantage of the situation and laid down near her with his head against her abdomen. He started to trace small circles across her stomach with the index finger of his left hand.

"You don't think", he started, hesitantly, "you don't think we're too young, do you?"

"Well, we aren't exactly _old_, Edward." She said.

"But, what do you think?" He questioned.

"Oh, Edward, if you start questioning about being to young to have a baby, we'll start talking about being to young to be married, and you'll just get more upset."

"'M not upset". Ed mumbled. "I just want to know what you think."

"It's a bit too late to change my mind on any of the decisions I've made, so it really doesn't matter." Winry stated logically. Upon receiving a disturbing look from Ed, she sighed and continued.

"So, you're asking me whether or not I think that 20 is a young age to be having a child?"

"More or less."

"Well, do you think that 18 is a young age to be getting married?"

"…For most people."

"And not you? Why?"

"Winry…you know why." Edward said quietly.

Of course Winry knew. He had told her when he proposed to her.

He loved her, and, and…his lifestyle was just too dangerous. That's what it boiled down to; he didn't want there to be any regrets in his life, and so he'd had to marry her as soon as he could, because he might not have gotten another chance. Life was cruel.

And in a way, he guessed that was a good reason for having a child so early too. He didn't want to miss out on being called "Daddy", and reading bedtime stories, and kissing scraped knees, and wiping away tears. But who knew when his last day on earth would be?

His choices had to be based in the here and now. And Winry understood that.

As if reading his mind, she said, "See? All worried for nothing, huh?"

"Yeah. Thanks Winry…" Ed replied.

* * *

They lied there for the rest of the afternoon, and well into the evening. And when they got back, Alphonse had dinner waiting for them, the little housewife that he was. And all throughout, Edward had a nagging feeling that wouldn't go away, even while spending time with his wife and brother. Or while studying his alchemy books, in an attempt to ease his mind. Or while getting ready for bed. He felt anxious. _Why?_

Sensing his discomfort, Winry asked, "Are you feeling ok?"

Flashing the world's tiniest smile, he said, "Of course! I feel much better than I did this afternoon!"

And he did feel better, he did.

But…

Lying in bed, waiting for sleep to take him over, there was nothing to distract his mind from that nagging feeling, and now he knew what was wrong.

Despite how much he wanted to be "Daddy", could he pull it off?

Obviously, _his_ father hadn't been able to, and he was worried; what if bad parenting was genetic or something? As ridiculous as it sounded, it was a genuine concern of his, and something he couldn't share with Winry, or Alphonse, or anyone.

And definitely not Mustang.

* * *

Alright, what did you think. Really, it wasn't funny, but not all of the interludes I have planned are so, un-funny. Actually, the next one I have planned is about a hairtie, and then another about Al in his underwear. But that's for another time.

PLEASE PEOPLE! TELL ME IF YOU SEE ANY TYPOS.

And how can I improve? I was so dissatisfied with parts of the middle and the end.


	6. Ice Cream and Lingerie

I haven't updated in seven years, it seems like. Still on punishment. Will probably be on punishment over Christmas. So this is another illegal update. I seem to be having many of those.

I was uninspired as of late, but I got an email today that someone added me to their author alert, and I felt bad. So I wrote this, which had been brewing in my mind, but hadn't made it onto paper. So here it is. It's more like the normal chapters, not all serious like chapter five. Although I'm glad that I do have the ability to write something that isn't meant to make people laugh.

Leave me a review, even if you didn't like it, as long as you list ways to improve. FYI, changing the pairing is not an acceptable improvement.

On another note, is anyone doing NaNoWriMo?

* * *

**7 October – 16:19 hours**

We went out into town today. Ed, Winry, and I. Not for any particular reason, they just wanted fresh air. And I followed, because apparently, I have no life. Says Edward. I learned that he's not being literal; it's a figure of speech. A mean figure of speech.

It was fun, being out for a while. I got chocolate ice cream! I probably shouldn't get so excited over ice cream, I sound like a five year old. But, anyway, we didn't stay out long. Probably an hour and a half. And then we were scared, and Edward got mad, then Winry got mad, so we came home. That isn't a good explanation, let me try again.

We were sitting outside, eating ice cream, and lots of people were walking by. Except for this one person in a dark overcoat and sunglasses. I don't know why he was dressed like that. It was the worst undercover I've ever seen. It was really bright, especially for October, and it was actually on the warm side. We have weird weather in Risembool. So, Mister Incognito was staring at us, at least from what we could tell. He was facing our direction, but you never know when people wear sunglasses. We figured maybe he was waiting for someone, but people came and left, and he never moved.

It was kind of creepy, so Winry suggested that we go to a shop or something, to which Edward and I agreed. But the guy followed us into the shop. We knew that he was following us because Winry dragged us into a lingerie shop; most men don't shop at a lingerie, and I don't believe that underwear is an acceptable gift for a woman. I was getting kind of worried, so I asked Ed if we should go home.

"NO!" Edward shouted. (I feel like I'm writing a story!)

"Why, Brother?" I asked nervously. (This is fun.)

"Because," Winry piped in, "he'll know where we live. Then he'll kill us in our sleep!"

"K-kill us?" I stuttered. "Why would he want to kill us? We don't even know him!"

"There are lots of crazy people out there Alphonse," said Brother, shaking his head. "You have to keep your guard up. Stay alert."

As Brother was talking, that overcoat guy came up and tapped him on the shoulder. I swear, he jumped a foot in the air. He screamed too. It was funny. So much for being alert. The man had a deep voice, and he said, "I've been watching you three for a while now." Winry was trying to hide behind Edward, but I don't think anyone noticed besides me.

"I was wondering," the man started, "what you though of these." Reaching into his coat. And he pulled out…

A watch.

"You wanted to show us…a w-watch?" Edward asked shakily.

"Yeah! You three look like big spenders!" he said cheerfully, a goofy smile on his face.

I think we all breathed a sigh of relief at the same time. A watch salesman. We were afraid of being killed by a watch salesman. But that still didn't explain why he was dressed so conspicuously, so we asked. Actually, it was because he was selling illegal replicas of the state alchemists' pocket watch. And Edward said he was going to have to arrest him, because he was a State Alchemist. The Fullmetal Alchemist, in fact. (Bow down and worship.) But Mister said, "Really? I heard he was small, but I never would've guessed he was _that _runty!" That was a bad idea.

Edward went of on one of his rants. It was something like, "WHO YOU CALLIN' A RUNY LITTLE PIPSQUEAK WHO CAN'T WEAR A WATCH BECAUSE HE'D GET LOST IN THE GROOVES?"

By the time Edward was done yelling, the man had slipped away, so Brother decided against reporting the man to General Mustang. He just didn't want to get yelled at for letting him get away, I think.

* * *

_Al, what are you writing about now?_

_Nothing, Winry, just about the watch man._

_Did you write about Edward's girly scream?_

_-It wasn't girly!_

_Yep, I wrote all about it. _

_-Did you write about my boyfriend, Al?_

_Oh, I forgot! _

_

* * *

_Right, I meant to write about the other guy. The shopkeeper for the lingerie. After the watch incident, Winry really started shopping for underwear, and Brother didn't feel like helping. I wouldn't either. So he stood near the cash register, still mad about the short comment. And the shopkeeper was standing behind the register, looking at Brother kind of funny. Not like the watch guy, a different kind of funny. And he started leaning over the counter really far, trying to view something I think he shouldn't have been trying to look at. Brother didn't notice until the guy was practically falling over the counter.

"Can I help you?" Edward asked. He sounded exasperated.

"No, no, sir, I'm here to help you," said the shopkeeper, smiling a eerie smile.

"Well," Edward asked him, "if you would like to help me, please turn down the heat. It's kind of hot in here."

(Ed set himself up for what came next.)

"Oh, really? I didn't think it was hot, until you came in that is." He was doing this funny wriggling thing with his eyebrows. I tried not to laugh.

Brother started to say something, but the man cut him off. "Of course, it'll be getting cold rather soon. I could use some extra heat in my life." He winked. I choked. Brother looked away.

Winry decided to come at that moment to purchase her, uh, items. I guess she noticed the weird looks that guy was giving Brother too, because she asked what was up. Once again, Edward tried to speak, but the register-man cut him off.

"Nothing you need to know about sweetheart." He winked at Ed again. Winry frowned.

"Well then, I'd like to buy these!" She slammed the clothing onto the counter a little more forcefully than necessary.

So, the man started picking up items to check the prices with that scanning machine. He used it as an excuse to brush his hand against Edward's face once.

"Hey!" Brother exclaimed. He backed away from the counter a few steps. Took him long enough.

"Huh?" Winry questioned, but Brother ignored her. The man acted as if nothing had happened and went back to bagging Winry's things. Winry was really scowling now. When everything was paid for, Winry asked brother to get her bags for her. I didn't really think about it before, but why couldn't she carry them? She was right there. Anyway, Brother went and got her bags, but not before casting a wary glance at the man behind the counter who had a strange smirk on his face. Winry was watching them like Hawkeye watches the General if he's slacking. As Edward turned to go, the man lowered his hand and squeezed Brother somewhere I would not like to be.

Instead of yelling and screaming like I thought he would, Brother went really red and sputtered a bit. I think he was in shock. I was too. But Winry voice her opinion on the matter, rather loudly. And I don't think I'll write down what she said. But I will say that she took out the wrench, and all of a sudden the shop keeper had about fifty lumps growing on his head. Winry also demanded her money back. He gave her back the money and let her keep the stuff.

How nice of him. Poor Brother. Winry had to drag him out of the shop. I think he was shell shocked. But he's ok now. He joked about it.

Brother and Winry haven't reprimanded me for writing random things in here yet. Maybe they haven't noticed. But I'm not complaining.

* * *

**7 October – 16:51 hours**

I wonder if that shopkeeper is too cold without Brother there…

* * *

Somehow I don't think that was as funny as I wanted it to be. But then again, that's up to you. I'm sorry it took me so long to update, and as I don't wish to lose my readers, I'll probably have another chapter up soon. I have the basic idea of the next chapter, and some more (funnier) interlude thingers.

Review! Tell me of any typos. I love opening my inbox and having 15 messages from fanfic the morning after I post a new chapter.


	7. Quelle Malchance!

Update! See, I told you all I'd update soon. Although I don't know how much you'll appreciate it. This chapter isn't that funny. At least, not to me. But then, nine of them are, so I'll leave the judging up to you.

I am still grounded, so all of these are illegal updates. Appreciate, especially since I tried to update at school and missed lunch, and then the freaking document wouldn't attach to my email.

And to a person who reviewed chapter one, whose username is logie098 or something...dude for real? In the first chapter I say "...from Al's pov. He's in the flesh, cause I like him that way!"

That being said, I think he can eat.

Reviews are demanded, flames are not appreciated. But really, please review. I love reviewers.

* * *

**14 October – 6: 13 hours**

It's really dark now. I want to go back to sleep, but I'm not tired. And my nose hurts, because when I got out of bed five minutes ago, my feet got tangled in the blanket and I fell flat on my face. Brother would've laughed at that. So now, I'm writing this entry on the floor.

I also had this dream about Marta. I'm not writing it down. I want to go make breakfast, but I'm afraid I'll wake up Ed and Winry…Oh, well!

* * *

**6:24 hours**

Ed and Winry are mean. Here I was, afraid that I would wake them, and they aren't even here! They just left me alone at home. What am I supposed to do all day? It'll be so boring. Well, at least I made a good breakfast. Waffles! Chocolate chip waffles, and Ed and Winry won't get any, because they abandoned me. Hey, what's that on the wall?

_Dear Al,_

_Don't forget that today is cleaning day! Unfortunately, we can't be here to join you physically, but we're here in spirit. We had some things to do, so we figured that you could handle it. We left you a list of the chores today, in case you forgot. _

_-kitchen floor_

_-stairs _

_-gutters_

_-attic_

_-hallway closet_

_Have fun! _

_Love,_

_Edward and Winry_

Oh, I see. They want me to do all of their chores. I know they don't have any "things to do". Unless they have to do anything besides clean. At least they were nice enough to leave me a list. They are so lazy. So, kitchen floor…am I supposed to sweep or mop? Both? I prefer neither. I guess I'd better get started, so I'll write more later.

* * *

**7:00 hours**

So, I hate the kitchen now. Especially since we have no mop, only one of those scrubby things. What do you call those? Anyway, I had the water bucket on the counter, and it just decided to fall right on top of my head. The floor is clean, but now I have to wash my hair. What's next? Stairs. What am I supposed to do with stairs? They're made of wood…polish? Who polishes stairs?

Not Edward or Winry.

* * *

**7:45 hours**

I'm lucky I didn't slip down the stairs and break my neck or something, although I came close. I almost slipped on the top stair. And I thought my luck was changing. I've decided that today is, like, "try to kill Alphonse" day, or something. I'm sure that's what Ed and Winry were planning. Especially since now, I'm supposed to go clean the gutters. I'm sure I'll fall off the ladder and break every bone in my body. Stupid autumn, blowing leaves onto people's roofs.

I shouldn't have let Brother and Winry convince me to stay. If I had my own house, I wouldn't have to polish stairs, and drop water buckets and fall off ladders.

* * *

**8:56 hours **

It took me a really long time to clean off the roof. Mostly because using alchemy with a one mile radius of our house is a bad idea. Brother won't tell me why, but I think he did something to the house, or maybe the ground, I don't know. Alchemy works _inside_ the house, but outside, well…

Oh, I didn't fall off of the ladder. I made it onto the roof, _then_ the ladder fell. But I was stuck on the roof forever. All of the leaves were out of the gutter, and I was pacing back and forth, trying to figure out how to get down. First, I tried to go into one of the windows, but all of the second floor windows were locked. So, I jumped into a tree, and climbed down. I had to take a running jump; the tree was pretty far. With my luck, I figured I'd miss. Fortunately, I made it! Unfortunately, I didn't get to climb al the way down. I probably climbed down a foot, and then I fell. Which hurt, but at least I didn't break anything.

Fourteen October is definitely "try to kill Alphonse" day. Next year, I'll be sure to mark it on my calendar.

* * *

**11:39 hours**

The attic is so scary, I'm glad I finally finished cleaning it. Half of the stuff up there wasn't ours! I swear, whoever lived here before was really scary. There were those creepy head things, and fortune teller boards and stuff. And dust. Lots of dust.

Nobody has ever cleaned that attic, I know it. Edward and Winry put that on the list just to spite me. Because all of that weird stuff would've been gone; Granny lived here for who knows how long. I don't even know who lived here before. So now, on top of needing to wash my hair, I need a shower. I bet I look like a ghost. I'm really hungry. All the manual labor. But I only have one more thing to do – the hall closet. That shouldn't take too long, and then I'll be free for the rest of the day!

By the way, more of my bad luck; the light fixture fell almost above my head. And then, I stepped on the broken glass. I'm going to sue Brother and Winry for having a faulty house and causing me injury. That, and because they're stupid and lazy and leave me to do dangerous work.

I'm in a bad mood.

* * *

**18: 44 hours**

I just spent seven hours locked in a closet. I am so hungry. Brother and Winry had to let me out. Also, they want to take me to the hospital, because my left hand is broken. It got kind of crushed. Because the shelf in the closet fell down, and my hands got trapped underneath, and the doors are faulty in this house, and they lock from the inside, but since my hands were preoccupied, I couldn't keep the door from closing, and I couldn't unlock it. That shelf was really heavy. I think I hit my head too, because I blacked out for a while. Maybe I should get checked out for a concussion.

So, I hummed the same song for three hours, and then, when Ed broke the door down, it hit my foot. The left one. So now I'm all off balance, since my left foot hurts and my left hand is broken. It's ironic; my day started off badly because my feet got tangled up in the blankets, now my foot hurts.

Ed and Winry say I'm not allowed to stay at home alone anymore.

* * *

Ok, so tell me what you think, and you know the drill by now. TYPOS!

By the way, does anyone know what the title means? Huh? Huh? It's something I got right on my French test today! Hurrah for French Three.


	8. Insightful Musings of Alphonse Elric

Finally! I can update. I will admit, this chapter is short, but then again, they're never really long. But today, my mother isn't breathing down my neck for once, so I was like, "Hey! My mother isn't breathing down my neck for once!", and then I was gonna go to sleep. But I had homework, so I decided to do this instead.

I lead a glamorous life, I assure you.

You know the drill, leave a review, not a flame. Or else...yeah, or else.

**19 October – 14:56 hours**

I was thinking about the other day, when Ed broke down the door…why didn't he just use alchemy to open the door? It would've saved my foot some trouble. It's bandaged up nicely though; they did it when I went to the hospital, I think. That makes sense.

Also, I do have a concussion, but the doctors said I'll be fine. I just probably shouldn't hit my head anymore. But Ed and Winry act like I'm going to die or something. I can tell that Ed feels really guilty. They hardly let me do anything. I'm just sitting on the couch.

Concussions are much worse than I thought they were. I've read about it before, but I figured I'd just have a headache or something. But I'm still a little woozy, and it's hard to concentrate, and I keep spelling words wrong. There are so many eraser marks on this paper, it isn't funny. Writing is tiring me, I'd rather talk. I'll call Brother.

_Brother!_

_Hold on a sec!_

…

_Hey, Al. What's up?_

_Why didn't you use alchemy to open the closet door the other day?_

…_No idea._

_Alright._

…

…

_This is kind of awkward. _

_Yeah…hey, is the plural of 'ambulance' 'ambuli'?_

_What? Why would it be?_

_Because the plural of 'octopus' is 'octopi'. Why not 'ambuli'?_

_But 'octopus' and 'ambulance' don't even sound the same. _

_So what, do I say ambulances? I like ambuli._

_So, when did the doctor say you were gonna go back to, uh, being normal? _

_Um…Hey, Brother? Why isn't one plus one three?_

_Al, you didn't answer the question. Are you ok?_

_Yeah, I was just wondering. I mean, people made up numbers, so instead of going one, two, three, couldn't it go one, three, two?_

_I guess, Al, but it doesn't sound as good as one, two, three, ok?_

_Ok…Brother?_

_What, Al? _

_What's the name of that piece of plastic at the end of shoelaces?_

…_An aglet. _

_Oh…what's the longest word you know?_

_Hmm….I'll just write it out. _

_Um, what does it mean?_

_The fear of long words._

_Well that's stupid. It's the longest word I've ever seen. _

_Yeah._

_Brother, you know how male guinea pigs will mate with their daughters if they're put together together?_

_Ah…I'm calling the doctor. You have brain damage or something._

_Well, would the baby guinea pigs be the kids or the grandkids?_

_Both…ugh. Your mom would be your sister._

_Why is it useless to eat celery?_

_Why would you ever want to know that?_

'_Cause…_

_Yyou burn more calories chewing than you get from the celery itself. _

_Oh…What does 'Twenty three skidoo' mean?_

_WINRY! GO GET YOUR COAT, WE HAVE TO GO BACK TO THE DOCTOR! SOMETHING IS SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH AL!_

_No! I'm ok, I just want to know!_

_WHY?_

_Because!_

_BEAUSE WHY?_

_Can't you just answer the question, Brother? Please…_

_Hmph. Where'd you hear that phrase?_

_One of the old generals at Eastern Headquarters. General Mustang's friend. _

_Heh. Figures. It means 'to be turned away'._

_Really?_

_Yeah. I have no clue what that has to do with… 'skidooing', or whatever._

_Well, what does it mean when someone says 'Don't throw out the baby with the bathwater'?_

_Uh, don't get rid of good stuff while you're getting rid of bad stuff. _

…_So, is the baby the good stuff?_

_Depends on the time of day._

…

…

…

_Why are you asking so many weird questions?_

_I dunno. Why do you know all the answers?_

_Eh, um, well beca-Geez, Al, you answer mine first._

_Well, I've been trying to think all day, but my mind kind of…_

…

…

_What?_

_Oh, uh, wanders, I guess. _

_You mean like just now?_

_Mmm hmm. So I have questions. _

_I think you should go lie down now Al. You need rest, and your questions are starting to annoy me. _

_I have one more question, though._

_Fine! But you only get one, so make it good._

_Ok. _

_Alright, what's the question?_

…_What's the meaning of life?_

Edward stepped on my foot!

Yeah, I really love those page dividers. You know, the lines? Yep, almost love them as much as reviews. I went back and added them to all of the other chapters that needed them, because I want all of the pages to look uniform for some reason. (Maybe because they look nicer...)

REVIEWS!_**TYPOS.**_ That's all I'm gonna say.


	9. Be Careful, Little Ears, What You Hear

Yesh, I have, as promised, the next chapter up today, and this one's short too. Granted, most of you won't even read it today, but its here. I just had to go somewhere today, and then math homework. By the way, I hate Precal. It's evil.

This chapter is, I guess, cliché, for lack of better term. But, I wanted to see if I could write it. Unfortunately, I've discovered that I can't. Huzzah. So, because of my inability to write good chapters, constructive criticism is necessary for this one. Especially since I absolutely hate the dialogue. So, reviews, no flames.

By the way, Alphonse is feeling much better in the head.

* * *

**24 October – 17:00 hours**

Winry is mad at Brother, which I think has something to do with hormones, but you never know, because Winry's usually mad at Brother, or something. But she seemed really mad this time, and now Brother's hurt. He says he's fine but I can tell he's upset. His eyes get this glassed over look, and tries to hide behind his bangs. I guess that's why he grew them. But I can also tell that he's upset because Maxwell is rubbing against his leg, trying to comfort him. I've tried telling him that Winry didn't mean it, and that it really wasn't that bad; Brother says, "I know Al" but keeps that resigned look on his face.

I think maybe I should go talk to Winry. She and Brother don't know that I heard their fight, because I might have been listening through the door a little bit, but I heard. Apparently, Edward has to be away for a few months, if I heard correctly, to oversee the State Alchemy Certification Exam, and to be a general mentor for anyone who asks. He's much respected when he's not screaming about his height. Anyway, I'm pretty sure he accepted, since it's a pretty important position, but when he told Winry, she basically had a conniption. She yelled that Ed should have told her first, and that he was always leaving her for alchemy, alchemy, alchemy, even during the years when we were searching for the stone, and why couldn't he just stay? And Brother told Winry that it was his obligation as a State Alchemist, and that he was sorry he hadn't told her sooner, and wouldn't she be ok for a while, Al isn't that bad. (I kind of resented that last comment.)

By then, Winry was crying, so I backed off of the door and went downstairs, and Edward came down later, and just sat on the couch, and we've been sitting here ever since. I want to ask how the conversation ended, but then I'd have to admit I was listening. But…I want Brother to feel better, so I'll just ask and take the repercussions.

* * *

_Brother…what did Winry say to you?_

…

_Whatever it was, she didn't mean it._

…

_She loves you, you know. _

…

_Please talk to me._

…_I can't._

_Why not? Come on Brother._

_No, no. She hates me, I can't. _

_She doesn't. What happened?_

_I-it doesn't matter, I have to go. The train to Central leaves in a couple hours._

_You can't leave while Winry's mad at you. _

_And why not? She has a right to be. Everything she said was true._

_Brother, it probably wasn't that bad. You have a tendency to blow things out of proportion. _

_But…I do spend ninety-five percent of my time on alchemy, don't I? And I neglect her. _

_Did she say that?_

_Well she said other things too, Alphonse._

_Yeah, but she didn't mean that. She couldn't. Not after she's spent so much of her time on automail. I don't even think you ignore me, so you definitely don't ignore her. Go talk to her._

_She said that she doesn't want to see me, so…_

_-Edward?_

_W-Winry?_

_-Ed, I'm so sorry! Please, please don't be mad at me, I didn't mean it really, I'm so sorry! _

_But you were right Winry. I should apologize to you. I-_

_Um, could you two wait until I'm out of the room before you get all sappy please?_

_-Sorry Al._

_Yeah, we'll go talk upstairs._

_

* * *

_Ed and Winry are making up now upstairs. I think it probably was the hormones, but Ed is pretty sensitive regardless, even if he doesn't want to admit it. I wonder what they're talking about… Is Brother even going to Central now? I'm going to go, uh, 'investigate'.

* * *

**18: 36 hours**

Lucky me…I heard Ed and Winry 'making up', and they were doing it really loudly. And it's pretty early, and we haven't had dinner, and I'm sure the door wasn't locked. But now I'm positive that it was the hormones.

* * *

Hope you could all follow my crappy format.

Alright, so I know that was horrible, but, you can help me with that. Unless you're like, "Never write again". Then, I'll have to send you an offensive message. But other than that, anything helpful. Especially typos. (Just my luck, I spelled 'typo' wrong, but you won't see that, now will you?)


	10. Interlude: Fridays

Ok, so, basically I disappeared from the face of the earth for a while. School and mother combined equals death. But, I wanted to post, because basically, I felt like a backstabbing authoress who denies the readers a promise. Not that I ever promised anything. TYPOS PEOPLE!

* * *

On Fridays, Edward decided while walking towards the kitchen, the best thing to snack on is chocolate ice cream. As he entered the kitchen, sun shining through the recently cleaned windows, and padded barefoot across the cool linoleum, he imagined exactly what he would have on his; there were the little rainbow sprinkles that Alphonse thought were pretty, although he didn't like to admit that, and there was chocolate syrup in the fridge, or maybe caramel, or both! but never strawberry, that ruined it, just like nuts, those were bad too. And there was whipped cream, he loved that. Maybe he'd put a cherry on top, since everyone in the world seemed to think it was so great.

Smiling like a child on Halloween, Edward opened the fridge, pulling out the necessary ingredients and humming to himself. But of course, Winry loved to ruin his fun and he should have expected her to come into the kitchen right when he was getting out his carton of frozen heaven, not that he believed in God.

Winry shook her head and smiled. "What do you think you're doing?" She questioned.

"Chocolate." Edward replied without turning to look at her, absorbed in his task.

"Vanilla." Winry said. Ed turned then, looking a bit confused. He hadn't said vanilla.

"No, no. Chocolate. Cho-co-late." He enunciated. What was wrong with her ears?

Winry sighed, and smiled again. "I meant you should get vanilla, Ed."

"Because…?"

"Having a problem speaking today? Look, I know stringing together coherent sentences can be hard, but you've been doing well so far."

"Ha ha, Winry, you're hilarious. Answer the question." Edward remarked dryly. Winry raised an eyebrow, and Ed added, "Please?" as an afterthought.

"You'll ruin your appetite. It's too close to dinner." She said simply.

"Not likely," Edward laughed, "and anyway, how will chocolate ruin my appetite more than vanilla?"

"You won't eat as much vanilla as you would chocolate…" Winry sort of trailed off, cleaning her fingernails compulsively.

Hmph!

"What was that implying, Winry?"

"Oh, Edward," she said, walking across the room to remove the ice cream from his hands and place it back in the freezer, "it wasn't _implying _anything."

OH! So it wasn't _"implying" _anything, which meant that she was calling him fat. Not that he was upset; only females got upset about things like that. But he was not! And sure, Winry could call him fat; she was pregnant so she'd have an excuse. And why was she inspecting what he did? He was a grown man, and as such, he would eat whatever the hell he wanted. Edward crossed his arms indignantly and glared at Winry as she proceeded to take out the vanilla ice cream of death and prepare a bowl for him. Like he couldn't do it himself! And he _hated_ vanilla. It was like frozen milk. Striding across the kitchen, she placed the bowl and a shining silver spoon in front of him.

"Here, I saved you the trouble." She smiled innocently. But Ed could see through that. Secretly, on the inside, she was enjoying his pain, the sadist.

Edward turned up his nose like a spoiled child-_which he was not_-and said quite haughtily, "I don't want it."

"Oh, Ed, quit being a baby and eat the stupid ice cream before it melts. Honestly…"

Honestly _what_?!? What was wrong with Winry? Why couldn't she just leave him alone to enjoy his snack in solitude? Oh, why? "_Honestly_" he didn't understand Winry half of the time. Sometimes she was nice and sweet, and then other times, she'd be… screechy. He just called it screechy, there was no other word. And then she'd be happy, then angry-depressed, and _obviously_ that was always his fault. Geez, she was never mad at Al! What was so great about Al? He thought rainbow sprinkles were cute!

But that was it, probably. Alphonse was a cute person. Cute and loveable, like a cat. Weird comparison, all things considering, but, eh, whatever worked. As for himself, he was just…Edward. Winry's husband Edward. And what wife liked their husband?

…And what did any of that have to do with ice cream? Oh, yeah, Winry. She never just came out and said something. Why? That just made everything twice as confusing, especially since Winry tended to get mad when he didn't quite understand what she wanted. And a mad Winry was very distracting. And loud. Mostly loud.

And she was so bossy. Edward do this, Edward don't go there, Edward stop yelling at General Mustang, nag, nag, nag! It wasn't exactly like she was faultless either. And speaking of nagging…

"Edward, Edward! Are you listening to me? It's melting Ed, you're wasting it." Winry sat across from him with her hands folded across the table top, and tsked.

She was annoying him. And it was with that thought in mind that Edward said, "Well then, maybe you should have it," and, smiling sweetly, he poured the contents of the bowl onto Winry's head. Winry didn't utter a sound, but wiped ice cream off of her face and flicked her fingers in Edward's direction, as she headed towards the fridge. Ed stood up to leave just as Winry made it back to the table, and she called out to him.

"Oh Edward…" Ed turned around, and was immediately greeted by a handful of whipped cream. Nice. Then, he felt a cold liquid come in contact with the top of his head. He reached up to identify it; sticky, brown, definitely chocolate. So that's the way she was playing? Then let the games begin. And begin it did.

* * *

When Alphonse came down the stairs twenty minutes later, whistling to himself, he didn't expect the house to be so silent. Usually, Ed and Winry were at each other's throats by now. Walking into the kitchen, however, he discovered the reason for the silence. The kitchen counter, table, floor, and refrigerator door were all covered in a variety of sticky foods that he thought it would be best not to question. And in the midst of it all were Edward and Winry, having quite the passionate make out session on the floor. Sighing, Alphonse cleared his throat, which got the attention of the house's other two occupants.

"Uh, A-alphonse, um…"

"H-hey there little brother…we were just-"

"Uh-huh." Al cut them off, not that they were saying much. Then, taking another glance around he stated, "You're gonna have to pay me extra to clean that." He then sauntered out the front door to find himself something to eat.

Edward and Winry proceeded to finish their activities.

* * *

Read and review. Emphasis on "review". Especially on the typos, cause I know there are some there. I'm like the waking dead right now...


	11. A Meritorious Vocation

Yay, update. I was hit with inspiration today during Creative Writing, and wrote this today. I'll have to skip the long authoress note thinger for now; mother's nagging me to go to sleep. Annoying. Anyway, you all know how it goes by now.

P.S. - Have your dictionaries handy, kiddles.

**5 November – 14:27 hours**

I haven't been writing lately, I suppose. But I've been a little preoccupied with my painting. It's such a great canvas; Winry bought me some new ones because I'd run out a while back. She also bought more paints and brushes. I bet it cost a lot… Anyway, I'm painting a portrait of the daughter of a man who's visiting Risembool. Actually, he came just to have me do this, and he's paying A LOT for it, so I hope he likes it. And even if he doesn't, he won't say anything. I am, oh what did Brother call it…uh, a "renowned artist, the likes of which have never before been seen", or some such nonsense.

Although, I've not gotten a complaint yet, and I've done many portraits and paintings and sculptures, so I guess that's pretty good. Winry likes to tease and tells me to get a real job, but I like painting. Jobs come as they come, and other people like my art too, so ha! And actually, now that I think about it, I guess I have _Edward_ to thank for the popularity of my artwork. I don't really think he did it on purpose, but once, we were invited to visit an art gallery in Central; Brother is still highly regarded as a genius, and people take his opinion very seriously. So, we were walking through a crowded showroom, and apparently, Edward was disenchanted with the artwork of some of the best artists in our country. Now, Brother knew I painted; I'd painted a picture of Winry before, and Brother thought I had just taken her picture and she was getting ripped off (not that I charged her anything for it). And so he decided to say, rather loudly, "Geez, Al! You could paint better pictures than this using your fingers!"

Then it got really quiet. And people stared. Of course, Ed can be a bit dense, so he didn't notice, and he just pulled me along into the next room, and the herd of stunned staring people followed. So I was mortified. And then if the staring wasn't enough, the group just kept getting bigger, and the gallery director came to see what was wrong. Apparently, he was told about what Edward had said, and so he marched straight up to us and started yelling, with his crazy walrus mustache doing this wave thing. It was really hard not to laugh; Brother didn't do such a good job, not that he was trying. Anyway, if I remember correctly, he said, "How dare you affront the name and veracity of my exceedingly illustrious institution for the visual arts?" Which is ritzy language for, "Did you just insult my art gallery?"

Edward was finally paying attention, so he decided to speak up. "Nobody 'affronted' anything, ok? _I_ just said that he" Brother pointed at me, still red in the face, "is a much better artist than whoever painted these train wrecks." And he then proceeded to march into another room. In retrospect, I'm pretty sure he "affronted" a lot of people, but that isn't the point. Because then, Mr. Mustachio turned back to me and said, "If you are such a superlative artist"- he pronounced artist like ar-tea-st, "please, grace us with the copious waters of your aptitude." I still don't understand why he felt the need to be so overly eloquent. I would've just said, "So _you_ paint something then!", but that's just me. I agreed to paint something, because everybody was staring at me, and I didn't have Brother to back me up, and I don't like confrontations, which Edward seems to be good at starting; right now he and Winry are fighting about who was supposed to defrost the freezer (hee, hee, ME!). Ah, I keep getting off topic.

Yeah, so Mustache had some people bring in a canvas and some paints and such, then got out a stopwatch and set it. Then he turned to me and smiled this wicked grin, which _still _gives me nightmares, and he said, "You have approximately thirty-five minutes. Fashion a magnum opus."

I think I sat there in shock and wasted five minutes trying to figure out what a "magnum opus" was, and then I had to actually start painting because boy was that guy glaring at me. I needed a distraction from all of the staring, so I painted. Kitties. Lots of kittens in a half circle, and one lonely looking kitten in the middle. I finished within the time limit too, and as soon as the stopwatch beeped, the Walrus snatched the canvas from me. He called some people over (apparently art critics), and they deliberated for a few minutes. Then, Walrus Mustache came back and asked me the name of "this elegant work of genius", with his eyes all teary. I told him it was called "Solitude"; in actuality, the painting is called "Alphonse, Delimited by Daunting Multitude, with Walrus Milieu". But I didn't tell him that.

And do you know what? That silly little painting is still hanging in that art gallery. People buy the little print copies, and I get praised for it in critics' reviews all the time. Now, I never thought I would say this, but…they're just…cats. It's not that amazing. Not that I don't paint amazing pictures (I _am_ amazing, and awfully humble too – that sounds like something Edward or Russell would say), I just think they overrated that one. Honestly, I have a plethora of better compositions, like the painting I did of Winry and Edward lying in a field in the sunset (they didn't know I was watching…I'm always watching), or the painting I did of Maxwell last week (yeah, he's a cat, but this is different! He posed for it!), or the painting that I've been doing of Marta, which is now hiding in my closet so Brother can't tease me about it.

_HEY AL! WE KNOW IT'S YOU WHO WAS SUPPOSED TO DEFROST THE FREEZER!_

Drat. Edward remembered.

_Brother, I'm a little busy._

_ALPHONSE! IF THE FREEZER ISN'T DEFROSTED, A CERTAIN SOMEONE WILL BE RECEIVING A CERTAIN PAINTING WHICH IS LOCATED IN THE BACK OF YOUR CLOSET IN HER MAIL TOMORROW!_

_Didn't I say I was busy defrosting the freezer? Heh, heh…man!_

Why was he in my closet anyway?

**5 November – 15: 59 hours**

You know, I've gone back and read these entries (again), and I realize that I always come off sounding like a seven year old. I wonder why that is…Well, when it doubt, blame it on Ed! Oh, there I go again. I should be in elementary school or something. By the way, I think I have frostbite on my fingers. Ow…


	12. Wide Open

Hey, hey people. An update, horrah! I am so tired. And I think I just depressed myself a little. This is abysmal. This chapter will make you cry with my lack of writing skills. Like, I'm not even going to pretend this is even a bit funny. At all.

Review, no flames, constructive criticism. (This is horrible. Sorry in advance.)

**14 November – 3:56 hours**

Winry is backwards. She doesn't get morning sickness; she gets nighttime sickness…that sounded better in my head. Anyway, she's in her bathroom now, and making lots of noise, while people are trying to sleep. And I'll have to remember to erase this part because Winry told me that I wasn't allowed to write about that. She said, "Why would I ever want to go back and read about myself being sick, Alphonse?" So I said, "Oh, ok!" And now, I just wrote about it. Only a little though, so it doesn't really could as lying, exactly…

Anyway, I'm really surprised at Ed. He hasn't complained about Winry waking him up or anything. And usually he's so grouchy if you wake him up. But not now; he's taking things very seriously. Actually, I think he's in the early stages of panic, not that he lets it show in front of Winry. The thing is, Brother is still headed to Central, tomorrow, only he says he won't stay any longer than three weeks, since he's worried about how Winry will hold up. So he'll be there to show the examiners his criteria and standards and something else, but Brother was boring me, so I kind of dozed off until he stomped on my unlucky foot, so now I figure I'm going to have a bad luck repeat. Such is my tragic life.

And Brother and Winry don't know it, but by now I've managed to sneak into their room and hide under their bed, so I have a clear view of what's going on now that Winry's finished her appointment with the toilet. Aww, Edward! Look at you, comforting Winry like that! See, he's whispering to her (I can't hear) and rubbing her shoulders and stroking her hair. He does care, although it's not like I didn't know. I know Brother doesn't think so, but he really is a good husband to Winry. Even if he makes fun of her and fights with her all the time. That's just how he is; he fights with people that he likes. That's how I can tell that he doesn't really hate General Mustang. He'll never admit that though.

Oh, they're getting up. Time for me to go back to bed!

**14 November – 4:29 hours**

I'm awake again (surprise…), and so are Edward and Winry. Poor Winry, she's sobbing now, because of a nightmare she just had, and she won't let Brother touch her. They're sitting on opposite ends of the couch, and I'm on the stairs, to give them a bit more privacy. But Winry told us about the dream, and even though it creeped me out, I'll still put it down.

Basically, Winry dreamed that something happened to Edward. Except it wasn't so simple. First, Edward was on the train to Central and it derailed. Like, over a cliff derailed. And Winry said she had thought he was dead then, but no; he got up and started walking. Apparently, Brother had been the only one on the train, since Winry never even saw the conductor. So then, Edward was walking along side the train tracks when he was attacked by some huge animal. I almost laughed when she was telling this, because Edward survives _that _too. It would have sounded like a joke if she hadn't been crying so hard. Then, he finally makes it to Central, but he gets ambushed or something. Around this time, the real Ed started grumbling something along the lines of, "Pssh. I would've heard them coming…geez Winry, am I actually gonna die?" I don't think Winry heard. Anyway, after Brother defeats his attackers, he ends up at General Mustang's office, where they both decide to go for a pleasant drive through the streets of Central. Which, in effect, is where Winry realized that she was dreaming. Nonetheless, if you can't already predict what's coming, they get into a crash. A head on collision with a truck. And of course, Brother is perfectly fine. (If he'd been built like that when we were looking for the Philosopher's Stone, things would've gone much faster. And smoother.)

… You know what? Winry never said what happened to the General…so…yeah.

Then all of a sudden, Winry wasn't in Central anymore; she was in her workshop at home, and she wasn't just an observer anymore, she was actually a character in the dream now. So, she's sitting on a stool, working on an automail leg, when she feels Edward's arms wrap around her from behind; she's knows it's Brother without even looking. He doesn't really say anything, he just rests his cheek against her hair and she can feel him breathing against her ear. At this point, I figured that I'd ask what was so bad about the dream. To me, it seemed mostly funny, if not a bit strange, and Edward agreed. What was so horrible about surviving? It seemed to be sweet at the end.

But then Winry started crying harder than before, and when Brother went to touch her shoulder, she screamed, "DON'T TOUCH ME!" Edward pulled his hand back like she'd burned him, his eyes downcast. He really is sensitive. So I had to ask, "Why, Winry?" And she cried back, "Because…" before she decided to finish the story.

In the dream she continues to work on the automail for a while, with Brother occasionally doing things like running his finger across her cheek. The whole time she doesn't feel the need to look at him, and he doesn't say a thing. Then, she's finally finished, and she sets her wrench down, and turns to thank Edward for keeping her company. But the second her head starts to turn, Ed's arms go kind of slack. She figures that he's just letting her get up, so she continues to turn, slowly. And the more she turns, the looser Brother's arms feel around her waist, and the heavier he seems to press against her. The whole time, she still hasn't really looked at Ed. By the time Winry finally stands, Edward's body falls away, and he hits the ground with a thump. His eyes are glassy and wide open, staring at Winry, unblinking. Dead.

That was when Winry woke up. But when she awoke, the room was still dark, and Edward was staring right at her, almost like he had been in the dream, so _that_ was when Winry started screaming.

Poor Winry. And now Brother's upset, because he blames himself for upsetting Winry. But she's not afraid of touching so much anymore; he has her in his arms and she's got one arm around his neck and the other one fisted in the front of his shirt. She's taking gasping breaths and still has tears running down her cheeks. Ed's rocking her back and forth and pleading with her. He seems like he's going to break down too. He doesn't know what to do.

"Please, Winry, please…don't cry Winry, I'm alright, please, Winry, don't…"

He's crying now, begging Winry to stop. He told me once that it breaks his heart to see Winry even a little upset; Brother must really be hurting.

**14 November - 5:36 hours **

Winry and Ed have pulled themselves together by now. Winry has her face buried in Brother's shoulder, and his face is buried in her hair. This is upsetting to me, more than I thought it would be. I'm not taking it well; I haven't seen Ed anywhere near as bad as an hour ago since…

It's time I leave Edward and Winry alone.

As in, he gives them some privacy, not like he runs away or anything. Didn't know if I conveyed that right.

Review, review. TYPOS!

Goodnight.


	13. And Now, a Special Guest Report!

I live! Kinda. Trying to finally get my writing down, but I haven't been able to, what with vacationing, and grounded-ness, and freaking "As I Lay Dying", which I officially hate. I also have to read Le Petit Prince, which is one of the randomest stories I believe I've ever read. But it's cute.

So, I finally updated this thing. And even though I didn't get any negative reviews for the last chapter, I know you all were thinking them. But whatever, since I was asked to continue, so I guess you people don't hate me that much…yet.

Read and review, people.

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**23 November – 12:46 hours**

Winry here! Alphonse is out running errands for me, so today, I get to write about…whatever. This is a pretty vague concept. I don't even really feel pregnant right now, except for the throwing up thing. Unfortunately it's supposed to get worse. Hurray. I wonder where Al keeps the actual journal that he writes in, because I couldn't find it, and I'm writing on a sheet of paper right now. He'll have to add it into the journal later. He's so secretive with that thing; I wonder why sometimes…but I have to admit, he sure knows how to hide things. Unlike Edward, who can keep a secret, but can't hide things to save his life. Like the bracelet that he got me for my birthday last year, which he "hid" next to the laundry detergent on the shelf in the wash room. With a ribbon on it. In plain sight. And when I asked him why he decided to put it there, of all places, he said, "Pssh. There are way worse places I could've put it. And besides, I never thought _you_ would go in there. You're always badgering Al to do things like laundry for you …lazy." As if I didn't hear that last word. Of course I had to hit him with my wrench. And he whined and complained. He does that a lot. But I love him that way!

And speaking of my dear husband, he's been gone for eight days. It seems like forever…I really miss him. I bet I sound really clingy right now, but I do miss him! He and Al left me enough when they were trying to fix themselves. I'm glad that they succeeded, but I wish they hadn't had to leave so often. I just want to be able to keep Ed and Al here with me always. I guess I am clingy huh? And that dream…I just worry that something will happen to him. What would I do if something did? I know he's not in danger _now_, but his line of work is so dangerous! And I can't delude myself into thinking that he'll avoid the front lines forever. I know that if a war breaks out, he'll be deployed, and I might lose him forever. But…I can't do this by myself, I need Edward's support! I don't want my baby to grow up without a father like I did, like Ed and Al did. If he died, I…I…

* * *

**23 November – 13:30 hours**

I'm back again. I got myself all worked up. Ed would probably laugh at me. According to him, I'm melodramatic. And I guess he's right, in a way. I got all worked up about that dream, and Ed was already stressed out, and I just freaked him out more, over nothing really. I'm not Medusa or anything, it's not like he's gonna die if I look at him. Really, it was a silly dream, come to think of it.

_Hey Winry, I'm back._

_Oh, hi Al. Did you get everything that I needed at the market?_

_Yeah. I got the milk, the flour, the crackers, the bananas, the peanut butter, the bread, the jar of honey, the-_

_What do you mean, "jar"?_

_Um…_

_I asked for a honeycomb, Alphonse. _

_I know, but I thought that it would be easier to get the jar, because the-_

_I don't care about what's easy! Go get that honeycomb! Do your job!_

_Yes ma'am!!!_

Alphonse just returned, but I had to send him back out, because he tried to take the easy way out. That's what comes from all of that alchemy; they don't know when to use their own hands to do something, when alchemy seems so much easier. Laziness! Now automail engineering, that's something! You need to be able to use your hands, and be willing to do difficult procedures. There's no easy way out when it comes to automail, it's do or die. It's the greatest art this country has to offer!

Anyway, now I'm alone again. And it's boring here, _and_ I'm starting to cramp up, which is another lovely side effect of my current condition. So I think I'll go lie down now. And speaking of my condition, I realize that most of what I've written doesn't really have much to do with that, _per se._ I hope that Al won't be too upset that I got off topic…

* * *

**23 November – 14:22 hours**

Ok, so I finally got back from the market, and now Winry is asleep, which is good, because I think she's mad at me, and she always has _that wrench_! Why would Brother buy her a weapon? Anyway, I put Winry's entry in here, and I might or might not have (but definitely did) read it. I feel bad that she misses Brother so much. And that she worries…And that she gets cramps. But _then_ I feel less sorry since she thinks I'm lazy and yelled at me.

…And she thinks I'll be mad at her for being off topic? Oh, the irony.

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Yeah, I know, short. Such is my creative flow. So, tell me what you think. I have to go get something to put on my aching knee.


	14. Drama Queen

So, basically, I'm a horrible person, because I haven't updated in like, over a year. And I've been getting favorites and reviews lately, despite that fact. So, for the two people who are probably still checking to see if I'll ever update, ta da! Here I am. I feel pretty bad about how long it's taken to update, so I'm gonna have to make up for the lost time somehow...

Also, disclaimer here: I seriously think that this chapter is really bad. My inner Alphonse does not want to speak to me. He just keeps whispering, so it's hard to come up with ideas. That being said, try not to be too harsh, please, especially if the voice sounds all wrong. And it isn't funny. Just saying...

And, oh my failure, after all this time I _still_ cannot get over how much I hate chapter 12. Seriously!

You might need to go back and reread a couple of chapters to remember what happened...not that much has happened.

Read and review, please!

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**2 December – 11:14 hours**

I'm afraid that Winry is going to kill me. She's been pretty...unstable since Brother left for Central, but I thought she would be lonely or sad. Instead, it seems like she's shifted all of her "Reserved for Edward" anger onto me! I've seen more of the wrench aimed at me in the past couple of weeks than I have in my entire life. This morning, I apparently implied that she is gaining weight, although I can't recall saying anything like that, so she wouldn't let me into the kitchen, and I didn't get anything to eat. I _tried_ to sneak inside after she left the kitchen, but she saw me, and chased me out of the house. I've been outside in the front yard ever since. Well, actually, I tried to get back in through a window, but Winry was there waiting for me, and she almost closed the window on my fingers. She has some kind of freaky Al-radar or something, and I'm seriously worried. What if she kills me in my sleep before Brother comes back?

I'm also worried about how Edward is doing. I know he's anxious about Winry and the baby, and I _also_ know that he's got an even shorter temper when he's worried. That combined with the fact that he had a pretty bad attitude towards helping with the alchemy exams in the first place, and I'm just hoping that he hasn't blown up Central yet. I've got faith in General Mustang and the others, but my brother is a lot to handle. He actually sent a letter two days ago; half was for Winry and the other half was for me. I'm sure Winry's letter was more...interesting than mine, based on the way she blushed while she was reading it. At any rate, I can tell that Ed's pretty annoyed with the applicants for the exam this year, and he's tired of Central. Basically, he used his letter to me to complain. It's not like I don't want to hear from him, but couldn't he send me a pleasant letter like he sent Winry?

...Wait, not like that! I mean, I don't want _that_ type of letter, I just wish he could be as enthusiastic towards me as he is towards Winry.

That just made it sound worse. Never mind.

I really hope Winry lets me inside soon. I'm hungry, and it's pretty out here. Maybe I should try apologizing again? I don't really know what I did, but it's worth a shot.

* * *

**11:44 hours**

It was _not_ worth a shot.

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**3 December – 00:56 hours**

Alright, Winry's decided to leave me out here to die. It's the middle of the night, and I can hear the wild animals coming for me. I'm sure I've explained it before, but alchemy is a no-go within a one mile radius of the house. So I hope Winry has a good night's sleep while I get mauled by a bear or something. I bet I've already gotten frostbite, and I'll have to have my toes amputated. Of course, Winry won't mind, because then she'll get to make automail ones...

Speaking of that, I saw Winry working on automail the other day, and she had her left hand resting on her stomach. I noticed that she's been doing that recently; she's about four months pregnant, and it's beginning to show. I wonder if my niece or nephew will grow up loving automail like Winry, or alchemy like Brother. Maybe both? Neither? And I wonder whether or not they're having a boy or a girl. They're both apparently convinced that they're having a girl. A few weeks back, they spent a whole day fighting over baby names. Honestly, those two can be a real hassle to deal with.

...It's seriously cold. I might as well write up my will and prepare to die, since I haven't eaten all day and I'm going to freeze out here. Hypothermia is going set in soon, and then it'll be downhill from there. Since Winry is the one who sentenced me to this cruel fate, and Brother isn't here to help me in my hour of need, I hereby bequeath all of my possessions to my future niece or nephew, to ensure that my legacy is passed down to the next generation of Elrics. And now, I lay down to await death...

* * *

**9:39 hours**

I woke up a few minutes ago when Winry's wrench collided with my skull. She told me off for being an idiot and sleeping out in the cold, because I'll probably be sick, and how stupid can I be? Yet she conveniently forgot to mention that she was the one who banished me in the first place. I tried to tell her that, but she yelled at me again, because how could I think that she'd make me sleep in the cold, and didn't I know that she unlocked the door before she went to bed last night? Actually, no, I didn't know, because _somebody_ didn't bother to tell me. And even if I had known that she unlocked it, I wouldn't have gone in. She would've been mad at me for going inside without waiting for her to accept me back. And then she would have killed me. And if I had tried to go into town to get something to eat and a place to sleep last night, she would've been mad at me for trying to avoid her and being insensitive. Then, she would have tried to kill me.

So I suffered a cold night and hunger pangs. That was the least deadly choice in my opinion. Also, I told Winry about the "mauled by a bear" thing, and she said that I'm melodramatic. Which I'm not. I wasn't _that _serious. I was mostly joking. Mostly.

At least I get to go inside and eat now! Hopefully Winry won't get upset at me anymore today.

* * *

**13:01 hours**

She got mad again. I need to go and get an icepack for my head.

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It was a pretty meh chapter. But I hope that it was better than nothing. There was something I wanted to say, but I forgot. Sob, sob, sob. Oh well. Please to be reviewing! And tell me of the typos. I know there are some in there somewhere. And my computer crashed, so my dad had to reinstall Microsoft Word, and the stupid Spell Check doesn't really work...

Oh snap, I remember! Here it is: I made a reference to _The Best Way to Spend a Saturday_! Hurrah for references! That is all. Thank you. Good night.


End file.
